Monday, January 2, 2012
Dear Mr. King,
Sussex Regional High School would like to invite you to our school. It would greatly benefit Sussex as a town, and Sussex as a community. Students from SRHS are greatly influenced by your writing, and you making an appearance at our school would make a great impression on how students of the next generation would write stories, essays, and persuasive letters.
I’m sure that you’re sitting down trying to read all of these letters, and some of them may have some effect on you, but I assure you, if you do decide to come to Sussex, you will never regret it. You might even regret it if you don’t come! You’re probably thinking to yourself like we’re a bunch of lunatics trying to grab your attention, well you’re right. We are working on getting you off your butt, and coming to Sussex for a nice little vacation on your favorite time of year. Or are you scared?
Sussex is quite the dreadful sight right around Halloween, but on the other side of that mask, there is a nice, kind person who would do anything for you with their Atlantic hospitality. So not to fear, the Maritimers are here. Also, if you come to Sussex, we hope you like cows. We only have millions of them. Basically, every other house in the country is a farm. Now, hopefully, you like milk. And if you’re lactose intolerant, you’re probably not going to like it here. But what I’m thinking is for the kids.
You have so many books and novels that you have written, I just don’t know where to start. From novels like Carrie to movies like The Mist. If you’re seriously thinking about not coming, drop this letter, go back to your couch, re-open that bag of Cheetos and watch your Coronation Street, because I don’t want to talk to you. Think about it, if you came to our town, and brought your merchandise, you could sell a lot of items. I think the whole population of Sussex has read at least one of your books, so it would be a great opportunity to sell them more books, t-shirts, mugs, party hats, whatever you have!
Now you may be thinking of the negative effects. “What if people don’t buy my stuff,” don’t worry about that, we only have like 1 bookstore in town, which probably has like 2 of your books in it. So, you could come here and put that book store out of business! The community of Sussex has been trying to grasp hold of your undivided attention just for an hour of your precious time, to come and have a presentation for the students of SRHS. You don’t understand how much it we would appreciate it.
We are psyched about the balloon fiesta in September, and we have that every year! But you, you are a once in a life time deal. How many people can actually say that they met Stephen King, the best novelist in the world. So if you would take about 2-3 days of your life, just to touch the hearts of some children in this town, your name would be on the tongues of every person in Sussex for years to come.